So my last post was pretty positive. Optimistic even. All about finding your inner strength in times of struggle and turning disadvantages into advantages. This will not be that type of post – this is your warning.
Regardless of how much I WANT to be positive, I have really been struggling physically and mentally the past couple of days. I have so much going on and a lot of “mental fog,” which is one of the symptoms of Hashimoto’s. The mental fog makes me feel like I am confused all of the time and I have been forgetting things a lot lately. I have even been having trouble coming up with the name for things (today I called a quote mark a parenthesis and an apostrophe before I finally came up with the actual word “quote,” which is not like me at all). I am very Type-A so I hate not feeling like I am on top of things and there is a lot going on for me this week as far as testing goes, so now is not a good time to not be mentally aware (a little foreshadowing here).
Last night I went in for an ultrasound of my thyroid and I was supposed to get blood taken for blood work as well. Go figure – even though the scheduling office told me when I scheduled the ultrasound appointment that I didn’t need an appointment for the blood work and I could do both at the same time, the blood work place had closed at 5:00 p.m. when I showed up shortly after 5 for my 5:30 p.m. ultrasound appointment. Cue INSANE ANGER (that’s not really a symptom although I’m sure me being on steroids longterm doesn’t help – I just have crazy anger issues). Just more misinformation from the people who are SUPPOSED to be trying to help and fix me. Tomorrow I took a half a day off from the office for allergy testing, so I will just have to go back to Pinnacle Health after the allergy testing to get my blood drawn.
Which brings me to my next issue – I totally forgot that I needed to stop taking my allegra 5 days before my allergy test so that the pills wouldn’t affect the results. Unfortunately, I obviously remembered a bit late since my test is now tomorrow morning. DAMN YOU MENTAL FOG! There really isn’t anything I can do about the pills I have already taken, so all I can do is hold off on the allegra until after my test, which means a miserable night of hives for me. The last allegra I took was at about midnight last night, which is not even close to the 5 days they told me to hold off (oops). When I got my flare up at work today I only took the zantac and ended up taking prednisone #2 for the day, because I knew that just zantac would do basically nothing. Even with the prednisone, I am sitting here flaring up with hives as I type this. My ears, neck and face have already been hot with hives for about an hour now and more fresh hives keep popping up on other limbs. Also, I always seem to wake up with a flare in the mornings unless I wake up in the middle of the night to take pills, so I am expecting to be ridiculously hivey and uncomfortable tomorrow morning. Hopefully nothing on my face will be swollen. All I will have to do is make it into the allergy test and make it through that and then I can take my little cocktail of pills and wait for relief to come again.
With that said, there is no way I would have made it through 5 days without allegra while still going to work and functioning and really – if I am still getting hives so badly even with all of the medications and it is due to an allergy, don’t you think I would still get SOME kind of a reaction if they pricked me with that same allergen? Yeah…. I do too. My case is so severe I feel like the meds won’t make that much of a difference with the test because seriously – the meds don’t make that much of a difference in my quality of life right now. They are just a super temporary spot treatment that reduce my symptoms for as long as they decide to last. As it is I am sure that I will be showing up to the allergy test covered in hives as I mentioned above.
Regardless of my mistakes, I don’t need to stress myself out about things I can’t change. At least that is what I keep telling myself logically, but I can’t seem to make these feelings go away. I feel like I am in constant panic mode. You know that feeling like you are sure that you forgot something or something terrible is about to happen? That feeling of impending doom – I have felt like that pretty much 24/7 the past couple of days and I just can’t seem to shake it. I know the intense stress and anxiety is just a symptom right now and it is just an excess of cortisol and my adrenals freaking out on me, but the knowing doesn’t stop the feelings. I know it won’t last forever though. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel and I have a game plan, it is just time and waiting that is wearing on me.